Another Piece of My Heart

A piece of my heart walked out our door today. It's now stowed safely in the packs of the two little boys that once called my house their home. Their little sandals clickety-clacked on the pavement and their excited voices echoed back to me as they traveled towards a life that no longer required me in it. 

They are too young to remember the hike we did at hole in the rock. They are too young to remember the family nights we spent watching shows. They are too young to remember the structure and support we provided, but deep down I hope they will remember the love we freely gave, with no requirement and no price tag.

Relationships are an odd thing, like a duck that can't swim. One minute I am wiping up spilled milk after breakfast and the next minute I'm wiping up the mess of my heart, while I try to process what just happened. How do I feel? Should I be happy? Should I be sad? 

At this moment I feel like Switzerland, on neutral ground, not wanting to cry but not wanting to let go. I am not breaking like I once did, but maybe brokenness isn't something that happens one time, maybe I am always breaking... Just in different ways. The pieces of my heart are being scattered around, like candy dropping out of a piñata. A little here, a little there. These boys were as much my children as any others I've had in my home. 

Losing loved ones seems to be a rare-traumatic experience for most but I am learning that it is more of the normal process of being a foster mom. I just hope I don't run out of pieces of heart to hand out along our journey.