My Blissful Groove
A few weeks ago I had an acquaintance say out of jest "stop smiling all the time, it's so annoying". I know she was being sarcastic and she didn't offend me but initially I felt stunned. Have you ever heard that there is a little truth in every joke? I guess I never thought that smiling was annoying, but that's because I liked to do it. Was I bias? As a typical woman I started to wonder if my smiling nature really was annoying. I asked Austin and my sister and then after a while, I decided that I wasn't going to worry about it. As a result this has brought me to my latest contemplation: Why am I happy? And then in relation to our adoption journey, why would I want a child if I am already happy?
Well, to start off I am blessed in many areas, but I don't want to become blah-blah boring, so I will hit the key points. My husband and I don't always see eye to eye but it seems we have come to a point where we have "learned" each other. Maybe that sounds weird but it's kind of like the last 7 years I've been taking an "Austin" class. I have learned his strengths and weaknesses, he has learned mine. It's not always beautiful but somehow we have become a well oiled clock. Our movements match each other, sometimes we move at different speeds but we're usually working fluidly. Every so often there is a kink in the system but after working through any issues we are back into our clockwork rhythm. I have come to appreciate this constant system that reminds me that I am loved on a daily basis.
Another thing that keeps me happy is my flexible schedule. If I want to go to the store then I go. If I have a friend in need, I am happy see them as soon as possible. I enjoy my frequent drives to my sisters to help with her kids. Nap time? Sure, why not. In the end, my life revolves around things that I choose and enjoy such as family, church, and work. Basically, I live a fulfilling life. It's not entirely selfish but at the same time it is, because it is what I love.
While contemplating the nice, comfortable, and flexible lifestyle I have, I am aware that throwing a child into the middle of this controlled environment will definitely shake things up a bit. So now I have come to ask myself; Why would I want to have a child when it will throw off my blissful grove?
First of all, I have over 20 nieces and nephews. Believe me, I understand that children equal chaos, and it isn't always beautiful! My desire to be a mother doesn't come from the idea that my life will always be blissful no matter what happens. My desire to be a mother comes from the idea of making my life more meaningful and challenging. Isn't there a quote that says "the greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward"? I don't know about you but I am all about rewards, and I don't just mean temporal. Take my dad for example. He has become a "nanny" for my sister's youngest two children. Has it been difficult for him to sacrifice his time to be with them? Are there times that he has difficulties caring for them because of his age? Well, of course there are drawbacks to his sacrifices but the rewards are far greater. The love he has for them is clear and the life that they bring into him is unlike any other. They give him a great purpose to fulfill and have definitely made his reward much greater than his sacrifice. I, too, hope to find the reward that a young child can bring into our home and my goal is to make every moment as blissful as possible by trying to see the good in it. Every trial and every mistake shows the beauty of God's plan for us, it shows our true nature and can help us become better. I hope that my positive attitude will only make the experience more rewarding.
Children = playtime... yes, I am excited about this! I still feel tempted to swing when I see a playground, or climb a tree when I'm in the mountains (did I mention my husband proposed to me in the top of one? You can read about it here). I recently bought Austin a Yoda kite from the clearance section of the store. I wrapped it up and put it on his desk. When he opened it, he laughed and told me I was so "goofy" (big surprise... he loves my weirdness... or at least I keep telling myself that he does, positive thinking right?). I hope to fly it this weekend. As silly as it may sound, I'd love to have a child to share our fun adventures with!
Of course there are other reasons I want to have kids but I don't want to get too lengthy. In the end I guess my philosophy in life isn't that everything is hunky-dory and happy, it's that life is what you choose it to be. I have chosen for mine to be happy... even if that means that my smiles verge onto the edge of annoying. So mock me if you will but I'm ecstatic about getting into my new mother groove... it can't come soon enough!
Austin carved our names in this walking stick, forever memorializing our love... ya, I know, its corny. Don't you love the word "player" on his shirt! I've tried to photoshop it out but I'm not that good, oh well!
Well, to start off I am blessed in many areas, but I don't want to become blah-blah boring, so I will hit the key points. My husband and I don't always see eye to eye but it seems we have come to a point where we have "learned" each other. Maybe that sounds weird but it's kind of like the last 7 years I've been taking an "Austin" class. I have learned his strengths and weaknesses, he has learned mine. It's not always beautiful but somehow we have become a well oiled clock. Our movements match each other, sometimes we move at different speeds but we're usually working fluidly. Every so often there is a kink in the system but after working through any issues we are back into our clockwork rhythm. I have come to appreciate this constant system that reminds me that I am loved on a daily basis.
Another thing that keeps me happy is my flexible schedule. If I want to go to the store then I go. If I have a friend in need, I am happy see them as soon as possible. I enjoy my frequent drives to my sisters to help with her kids. Nap time? Sure, why not. In the end, my life revolves around things that I choose and enjoy such as family, church, and work. Basically, I live a fulfilling life. It's not entirely selfish but at the same time it is, because it is what I love.
Our hike to the Crags... probably one of the scarier hikes I've been on.
While contemplating the nice, comfortable, and flexible lifestyle I have, I am aware that throwing a child into the middle of this controlled environment will definitely shake things up a bit. So now I have come to ask myself; Why would I want to have a child when it will throw off my blissful grove?
First of all, I have over 20 nieces and nephews. Believe me, I understand that children equal chaos, and it isn't always beautiful! My desire to be a mother doesn't come from the idea that my life will always be blissful no matter what happens. My desire to be a mother comes from the idea of making my life more meaningful and challenging. Isn't there a quote that says "the greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward"? I don't know about you but I am all about rewards, and I don't just mean temporal. Take my dad for example. He has become a "nanny" for my sister's youngest two children. Has it been difficult for him to sacrifice his time to be with them? Are there times that he has difficulties caring for them because of his age? Well, of course there are drawbacks to his sacrifices but the rewards are far greater. The love he has for them is clear and the life that they bring into him is unlike any other. They give him a great purpose to fulfill and have definitely made his reward much greater than his sacrifice. I, too, hope to find the reward that a young child can bring into our home and my goal is to make every moment as blissful as possible by trying to see the good in it. Every trial and every mistake shows the beauty of God's plan for us, it shows our true nature and can help us become better. I hope that my positive attitude will only make the experience more rewarding.
Children = playtime... yes, I am excited about this! I still feel tempted to swing when I see a playground, or climb a tree when I'm in the mountains (did I mention my husband proposed to me in the top of one? You can read about it here). I recently bought Austin a Yoda kite from the clearance section of the store. I wrapped it up and put it on his desk. When he opened it, he laughed and told me I was so "goofy" (big surprise... he loves my weirdness... or at least I keep telling myself that he does, positive thinking right?). I hope to fly it this weekend. As silly as it may sound, I'd love to have a child to share our fun adventures with!
Of course there are other reasons I want to have kids but I don't want to get too lengthy. In the end I guess my philosophy in life isn't that everything is hunky-dory and happy, it's that life is what you choose it to be. I have chosen for mine to be happy... even if that means that my smiles verge onto the edge of annoying. So mock me if you will but I'm ecstatic about getting into my new mother groove... it can't come soon enough!
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