2 Weeks as a Mother

We never thought our adoption journey would go this route, but through a series of events and prayers, we have been led to where we currently are.   

Parenthood has come quickly but we have embraced it with open arms.  It almost feels as if it was always supposed to be this way.  Austin and I have become quite the pair and seem to work mostly in sync with our kids.  He plays the rough and tough dad, while I am the more gentler one.  It seems that our morning and evening routines are working fairly well, he gets them going while I get ready and then I take them to daycare/school on my way to work.  I can't imagine doing this without him!  

Some key items I have observed during my "very experienced" two weeks as a mother are as follows:

• Time has become my worst enemy.  I am much less patient, and more demanding whenever I feel pressed for time.  My "good" parenting skills go out the window and I suddenly feel like the type of mom that will tackle my child down to get their shoes on the right feet and threaten  them with "time outs" or "no dessert", out of desperation, just to get where we need to go.  These are not my proudest moments...
• When at a loss of what to do, sometimes I just stall or change the subject.  The other day, our oldest was not doing so well and I wanted to help her make a better decision.  I didn't want to put her in timeout, but rather suggest some alternative behaviors to what she was doing.  For some reason, my mind went blank and I could not think of what to say.  After a fairly awkward conversation, that included me saying, "please give me a moment to think" (with no great epiphany to follow), I decided to talk with her for 5 minutes about random things, like her favorite color and favorite food, etc.  She definitely seemed to be confused and had the look of "am I in trouble or not?"  Our conversation ended and I once again tried to verbally reinforce good habits, but in my mind I was laughing at myself... in her mind I'm sure she was thinking, "what just happened?"
• White shirts on kids under 6 are probably not the best choice on play days... enough said.
• Consistency is key.  In our fostering classes, they talk about picking your battles.  When new kids come into your home you can't always expect them to follow every single "rule of the house".  It is best to pick one or two that you want to focus on and then move from there.  We have decided on a strict "no tolerance" policy for hitting and pushing.  At first we didn't fully communicate with each other that we should do this, but a few days ago we realized that we both needed to be consistent on how we were handling this issue.  I am happy to say that today is the first day that no timeouts were given for the kids breaking this particular rule. Fingers crossed that it continues... but no guarantees.  
•  I have decided that it is ok for us to be near our kids while they fall asleep.  At first I was hesitant for the precedent that this could create with the kids potentially becoming "needy" at bedtime.  After considering all they have been through, and all that we have been through, I decided that I don't really care.  It has become my favorite part of the day.  Bedtime stories and snuggles... I will take all that I can get while they still want to dish it out!
• Our kids have a lot of things going on in their lives that is outside of their control and we can tell that they need to find something that they can be in charge of.  We have decided to give them the opportunity to pick out their own clothes every morning.  At times their clothes may not match, or be the "cutest" combination on the block, but they were able to choose for themselves, and that seems to make them happy.

My happiest moments so far:

• When our oldest asked if it was ok to call us "Mom" and "Dad" (she hasn't started doing this yet, but we gave her permission to whenever she'd like).
• When our oldest asked our family, "who in our family loves us the very most and is never mean?"  Ends up she was talking about me!  It made me laugh because I am not always nice, and she has been in timeouts plenty of times while in my care, but I guess she still likes me.
• When our youngest lets me give him tickles and snuggles.  One day I was giving him little kisses on his face and he was giggling, he then said, "no more kisses!" (with a huge grin on his face).  I then proceeded to pretend cry, "oh, you make me so sad!  I love giving you kisses".  He then giggles some more, "I just kidding!"
• When our oldest loves to look at our wedding pictures so that she can wrap her head around what marriage and a healthy relationship is all about.  She also asked, "Kim, do you and Austin always hug and kiss before going to work?"  She is very observant and seems to ponder in her mind what this thing called "family" is all about.
• When our youngest pointed to a picture of me and Austin and said to Austin, "Kim is beautiful, but why does she wear so many shirts?" We counted, and in that particular picture, I am wearing 4 layers!  I guess I like the layering effect... it was also cold that day.   On a side note, most days I do wear undershirts... this also seems to baffle him.  I often hear him ask, "Kim, how many shirts are you wearing today?"
• When our youngest gave Austin permission to be his best friend. 

I am sure many more "parenting" moments will occur, as well as happy moments for me to relive and write down.  All in all, being a foster parent for these kids has been a huge blessing for us.  The hardest thing is not knowing how long it will last.  Until then, we will take it one day at a time.  We will love these kids and provide as much of a healthy home as we know how.

Please note: due to the sensitivity of fostering, this post and others, in the future will be very vague on specific details of the kids (i.e. pictures, names and ages).  Also, please do not ask what their story is and why they are in foster care.  It is their story to tell if/when they would like to tell it.