Through the Hug of a Child

Yesterday I  spent the afternoon and evening at my sister's house.  Before the older kids got home from school, Katie and I were discussing many of life's quandries at length.  Kapono, 3-years-old, and with a tone of concern, chimed in, "Mom, there's stuff in my apple!"  After further investigation it was determined that it was an apple seed.  Oh, to be young and discover the many surprises that life has to offer!  

Well, we continued our conversation and slowly it turned to me; my feelings, my anxieties and my frustrations with the whole adoption process, became a focal point.  I usually try not to let my emotions get the better of me, but before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't speak any longer.  My hands were shaky and my lips were quivering.  I had to take deep breaths to keep myself from heaving and contorting my face into an awkward Picasso, you know, that kind of thing that happens when you when you start to cry really hard?  Anyways, I guess I didn't realize how much emotion was stored up inside of me, or that I needed to let it out.  I didn't necessarily need Katie to solve my problems, or to tell me all would be ok, I guess I just needed to speak the truth of what I was feeling.  

Little Zion

Before this emotional moment, little Zion, who is 1-years-old, had just woken up from a nap.  I had tried to coax him to come to me earlier but he was hesitant, and more interested in his apple than his Aunt.  During my emotional break down I felt a little nudge against my knee.  He initially decided to stand on my feet and just look at me while he continued to naw on his apple.  Soon enough, he desired to be closer and reached upward, guesturing for me to hold him.  I picked him up and he snuggled right into my arms.  His head nestled into my neck and his arms wrapped around me.  He had just taken a nap, so I knew he wasn't tired, but he laid there and let me hold him.  His sweet spirit could feel my pain, and he yearned to be of comfort.  Holding him made me cry even more... but not out of sadness, I cried out of gratitude for this moment.  I cried because I could feel Heavenly Father's love for me, through the hug of a child.