We pick you!

Sick of being the last one picked for kickball?  Well, get off your derriere and come join us!  We pick you to be on our adoption team!  From years of playing sports I've had this innate sense that everything should be done through "teamwork".  As a result, I have a strong desire for our family and friends to be on "our adoption team".  To do this, I think it is good to be educated about how the adoption process works through foster care.   So here is my attempt to educate... without being too boring, hopefully.   

------------------------------------------------------

Picture a sibling group of 2-4 kids between 0-8 years old (our future children).  At this very moment, they could be split up from each other and living in separate foster homes.  At a future point, their biological parent's rights will be severed... this is the process their adoption journey will take them on...

Our Future hypothetical Adoption through Foster Care - short version:

Children's team of advocates pick couples that match their needs and we are one of the finalists!  (Hurray!)  We confirm that we want to be considered.  Our adoption specialist attends a meeting with the children's advocates and they pick the best adoptive parental match for the children and it just happens to be us!  (Woohoo!) We are notified and have 24 hours to decide.  We review the information we have on the children, potentially see pictures and make a decision.  When we say yes, the transition of these children into our home can be between a few days to a couple of months, depending on the situation.  At this point, we may need help getting some necessary items together (car seats, beds, dressers, toys, etc).     

What?! They'll trust these two crazies with kids??! Perhaps. we shall see!

Once transitioned, the children will find themselves in a new and unfamiliar environment.  Even though it is a healthy environment, it will still take a while to adjust.  We plan on making our home as inviting as possible.  A couple of ideas we have are placing pictures of them on the wall and doing a fun family art project to show that this is where they belong and that they are a part of our family.  We will hang this in our front room near pictures of our extended family and Christ.  

Big parties, events and outings should not occur until the children feel secure in our home with us as their parents.  This could take a few months.  Outings to meet cousins and family should be done in small groups so as to not overwhelm them.  New family traditions and routines will need to be established to help them feel safe.

Adoption finalization is usually about 6 months after placement... by this time, the children should be adjusted fairly well and we are definitely going to PARTY!!!! 

-------------------------------------------------------------

Something that might surprise you is that we don't get to meet these kids before agreeing to adopt them.  At first I was startled by this but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Did you get to decide what child you would give birth to?  I think not.  This actually gives me a lot of comfort knowing that I don't have to "judge" a child from a brief interaction to decide whether I like them or not.  All children will have their own struggles, whether they be from a birth family, a foster family, or an adoptive family.  It's good to know that children are children and that I can just decide that they will be mine and that I will do my best to love them.

  Hello, this is me with my cute niece :)

What's funny is that along this topic, I already feel a protective mother instinct coming on and I don't even have children yet!  Am I crazy or what?!!  Crazy or not, here is what I know, I know that I want to provide a loving environment free from labeling and prejudging of my future children.  Even though they will be coming from "the system" I don't want that to define who they are.  I want the environment we provide to be one that will foster healthy recovery and growth from past trauma.  It will be vital for all those on "our adoption team" to understand this concept and to do their best to help us accomplish this goal.  I honestly don't think my friends and family would purposefully do or say something oppose to this goal but I think it is worth mentioning so that we are all aware of the sensitivity of this subject. 

Lastly, when contemplating our decision to adopt a sibling group I sometimes get nervous about how it is going to change MY life (my selfish tendencies).  I recently read an article that has helped me see that putting myself out there to adopt a sibling group isn't about me at all.  It's about the CHILDREN.  Yes, my life will be forever changed, but I've lived a very blessed life so far, and now it's time for me to pay it forward. 

We hope that you will join our adoption team!  Like the African Proverb states, "it takes a village to raise a child".  You are our village... now we just need a child... or multiple... childs, and we are good to go!

Side note: here are a couple of inspiring videos on Foster care and parental tips for adoptive parents:

Turning Point - The Clarks

Therapeutic Parenting videos