Adoption vs Abortion

             

Just over a year ago, I was asked to present at a Relief Society event in my old ward in Valparaiso, Indiana.  It was an amazing yet humbling experience.  One of my good friends wrote this letter to her family the following morning, in regards to this event, and I wanted to share some of it with you.

                                                                                                            11/9/2012

Dear Family,
  

I am currently serving as the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society and was assigned to be in charge of our program for our Relief Society Thanksgiving Dinner. I knew from the beginning I wanted to focus the night on Gratitude and the blessings that come into our lives when we have gratitude. As I thought about whom I wanted to speak that night, I felt an impression almost immediately that my friend Kim was supposed to talk to us that night. She has previously been going through some difficult trials, but is one of those people who have the ability to see the positive in everything. I felt impressed to have her share how having gratitude has blessed her through her trials. The interesting part is that I had a distinct impression, which I did not recognize was an impression at the time, that I should not have anyone else speak with her. I knew this would probably make for a very short meeting, but I followed that impression and now understand why.

  

I will paraphrase her story the best I can, but will say that while she spoke, the spirit filled the room. Kim shared her experience with us about her trial of her and her husband not being able to yet have children and how difficult this trial has been because of her anxiously awaiting motherhood. It was very tender as she talked about how much she has wanted to be a mother for so many years and has not been able to. As she has gone through this trial, it has taught her the importance of service and gratitude. She shared that as we look up we also learn to look more outwardly, and as we look outside of ourselves and serve others, our individual trials seem a little lighter.

As Kim has been going through this, she was given the opportunity to serve a neighbor of hers in a very impactful way. A couple of years ago, through not wonderful circumstances at the beginning, Kim and her husband became acquainted with a 65 year old woman who lived downstairs from them. Things started out a little rocky at first due to a few differences, but as Kim followed a prompting to invite her over for dinner one night, it opened a door of opportunity that turned into an amazing friendship. Kim's husband is in the service, so when he is on his service weekends Kim and Lee would have girl’s nights out and over time developed a great bond. As their friendship continued, Kim found out that Lee had some kind of Liver disease and was in great need of a liver transplant. Kim spent lots of time serving Lee and taking care of her. Lee was really alone with no one around her. Her husband and parents had both past away and she was an only child with no siblings. Through this friendship there was a time when the doctor noticed her health improving after she began this friendship with Kim. Kim was an amazing friend to Lee and perfect example to me of what the Savior would do.

 Kim & Lee

The classic duckbill platypus face!

As Lee's health declined and she desperately needed a liver transplant, Kim decided to put on a fundraiser for her to help with the costs of a transplant. On October 19th Kim held a murder mystery date night with a silent auction to help as much as she could. I was there that night and could feel the love that she had for this woman and how much she sincerely wanted to help her. The fundraiser was a success and Kim was able to raise a good amount of money to help. Five days later on Wednesday, October 24th Kim went to check on Lee and she had passed away. This is the first experience she has ever had of losing someone so close to her.

Kim shared amazing testimony of these trials and how closely they related. As she had that great desire to be a mother, the Lord gave her the opportunity to use that mothering, just in a different way. She expressed as we learn to serve others and forget ourselves, it opens doors for something better. It was a great testimony to me to see someone with difficult trials have faith enough to trust in Heavenly Father that all will be well. As Kim was wrapping up her thoughts and closing, there was a visitor at the front table who interrupted and asked if she could say something. (This was not a member of our church who came to the meeting with a friend) She then said something that no one in that room ever expected to hear...She said, "I am 6 weeks pregnant right now and have no way to take care of this baby and would like to know if I could give my baby to you?" I don't think a woman in that room knew what to do. The spirit that flooded through that room was so great it is difficult to even express. The tears flowed through all of us as we experienced God perform a miracle right before our eyes.

  

Love,

Amy

That night was full of emotions and feelings that I can’t really describe.  The spirit was with us and I know that this young lady felt the love of Heavenly Father nudging her to make a good decision.  Unfortunately, a couple of weeks later, we found out that she had an abortion.  I was devastated.  Many tears were shed and I have often asked myself, “Why would such an incredible event lead to an unhappy ending?”  I’m still not sure if I have an answer, but I know that the Lord has given us all free agency and we can exercise that agency however we see fit. 

This experience reminds me of a quote by CS Lewis that says: 

“...After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation (or abortion, for the sake of this post) after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later..." 

Many women may feel that abortion seems like an easy way out, a way to "lie down" in the face of a strong wind, but, often times, those who have abortions will experience deep regret.  I hope that future birth mothers will be able to see the benefit that adoption can bring to their lives.  Not only can they give their baby a chance at life but they can also bless a couple struggling with infertility issues.